“Yes, I need an ambulance at 143 Sunnyvale Road, Unit B. Yes, I’ll stay on the line.”
Hey, that’s my address. I hope now one’s hurt. I open my eye and realize two things. 1) I’m lying flat on my back on the kitchen floor and 2) there is a strange man standing over me staring down with a scowl on his scary, yet handsome face. Upon, closer inspection, I realize I am naked and there is a strange man standing over me. What the ever fuck is happening here?!
“She’s come to,” the stranger says.
“Ma’am, you had an accident, I’m…” But he doesn’t get to finish because I jump up screaming.
“A phone pervert! A phone pervert is in my house!!!! AAAHHHHHHHHHHH……” I scream and resume my naked alien running. I run to my adorable cooking utensil cup and grab the first thing I can get my hands on, which just so happens to be a metal pair of tongs. I lunge at the Phone Pervert in my very best impression of a master swordsman, En garde! Clapping away like a deranged lobster. “You! Out of my house, Phone Pervert.” Clap clap.
Clap clap clap. “I told you I already have a pervert,” Clap clap. I attack again. Clap clap. “And I told you I would call the police!” Strong arms firmly wrap around me from behind and I jump but they only lock tight around me.
“Lady, I am the police. Now put your claws away and grab a robe before I have to take you in.” I let out an Eeep! when I realize that I am naked. My Phone Pervert turned police officer looks over my shoulder and says to the anaconda arms holding me, “Really, Trent, this looney tune is your girl?”
“Hey, I’m not a looney tune,” I pout. “I’m just having a really bad day,” I mumble. The thought of going to jail naked has brought back all the stress of my shit day.
“What can I say, she’s never boring and Nana loves her,” I feel Trent shrug behind me.
“Can you imagine your kids being anything but terrors with her and Marla’s genes combined?” He laughs. “I can’t wait to see it.”
“Hey,” I mumble halfheartedly.
“But they’ll be entertaining. And beautiful,” Trent adds.
“Beautiful for sure, crazy as fuck for certain,” he laughs, “Although standing here now, I definitely see her appeal. You ever decide you’re done with this asshole, you give me a call okay, sugar?” The stranger asks me on a chuckle.
A growl rumbles out from behind me and a warm, calloused palm slides up to cover my breast. Another one moves south but I slap it away.
“But I don’t even know your name,” I mumble looking down distractedly at the large, tan hand on my boobie.
Another growl, this time more menacing rumbles up as the stranger laughs again. Apparently, my life is hilarious.
“Detective Kane Green at your service ma’am,” he leans forward and tips his imaginary hat.
“Like the hockey player?” I ask, but I hear a groan from behind.
“One and the same, but now I’m retired,” he winks. “The old shoulder couldn’t do it anymore so I decided to follow in my dad’s footsteps and joined the local PD.”
“I think that’s just amazing,” I breathe. “I’m a big fan,” I blush. And when I say blush, I mean I blush EVERYWHERE and EVERYONE knows it because I’m FREAKING NAKED!
“He was just leaving,” Trent barks from behind me. Detective Green laughs and heads for the door.
“It was lovely meeting you, Shelby,” he winks and heads off into the night. Kane Green and his shaggy, light brown hair and cold blue eyes are undoubtedly gorgeous, but absolutely nothing compared to the coal black hair and green Irish eyes of one Detective Trenton Foyle. I am so screwed.
